I just deleted all of my old entries. Why? Because it gives me feelings of power to annihilate all of them by blasting their code into space.

Today I went to my college's health center to get a check up because I've had a cold for a few weeks and over the past few days it has developed so that I literally cannot sleep at night -- I'm coughing and crying too much. Crying namely because I'm a wimp and my throat hurts after coughing.

So I went to the doctor. The lady talked to me, listening to my lungs, asked me if I had asthma. I noted that yes, I do, mildly, and she was like "Well, looks like you have bronchitis." She then prescribed me some medications that, make me completely and utterly nutters. Either I'm sitting here being loopy or I'm passed out.

Recently I've noticed a growing affection for someone and that bothers me. Especially considering my normal stance of "I'm going to be a spinster and live alone forever." I just have this feeling that all relationships I would get in to would invariably go wrong. I'm a pessimist, what can I say? I'm either proven right or pleasantly surprised, so looks like a win-win situation for me. It would probably be better if I didn't know this person also didn't have a growing affection for me, but Cosmo, you and your relationship help are making me see things in a definite negative light.

In other news, if you watch ESPN at noon this Saturday it's IU's homecoming game and you may possibly hear the band playing, in which I am, of course, involved.

Recently I've felt incredibly lonely. It was particularly bad last week where all I did was sit in my room/go to class and cry. The only thing I could make myself do was play video games, and that was just a last ditch attempt to get my mind off of things (that failed, mind you.) This week it's only a mild feeling, but it's there. I'm just glad I'm not crying over it. I'm still playing video games and generally being distant due to it, but I'm hoping it will finish itself and go away soon.

I didn't eat anything today. I meant to, and I started making stuff, but...meh, I'm just not hungry.

Fin.

Look who's giving an update in the form of notes:

+I enjoy living in dorms.
   -I'm apparently creepy enough to make my roommate move out and leave me in a single.
   -I get to hear really weird things said right outside my door.
        *"You gave me herpes, bitch!"
        *"His dick was soooooo big. I bled for houuuuurs." "Did you get AIDs?" "I haven't checked."
        *"HAHAHA I'M FUCKING THE WALL."
+My classes are great.
   -Archaeology of Sexuality
        *Look up Moche Sex Pots. You know you want to.
    -Fencing - Need I say more?
        *My instructor is a vampire. Specifically a Toreador from oWoD.
    -Introduction to Folklore - Urban Legends and Fairy Tales!
    -Introduction to Fiction - Fun short stories and an amazing prof.
    -Introduction to Literature and Other Arts - My most boring class...and it's exciting!
+I want to leave Indiana and move to a suburb -at least.-
+Man, I love croissants.
+I love -love-!
    -Okay, not.
        *Well, okay, I like the idea of love. I've never been in love yet, but I assume I'll love it.
+Axes are totally bloodier than swords.
+Tea from the City Bakery across the street from my dorm is amazing.
   -The sushi across the street is good too. Best sushi in the city.
        *Mmm, shrimp and eel...
    -As is the pizza.
       *Mother Bears was once rated...fourth in the nation as best pizza, and I live -across the street- from it!
        *Their Treasure of Monte Cristo pizza equals -heaven.-
    -Have I mentioned the bakery has amazing croissants?

I believe that's enough. Fin.

Words fall, words fail, like rocks, like falling stones;
Out of the towered clouds and the dark air,
Words fail, and a tree of blackness falls:
There is nothing at all to surrender or defend.

It was a grim castle, built in the bad years,
Built by an old man after years of failure,
Stuccoed with long complacency, and now
No more than an empty wineskin or a crushed fruit.

From the dark earth, the tree broke out, and men
Died with a frantic zeal, and spitting death:
Who knows what it was they died for?
Their bones are a fine dust, and their names forgotten.

Suburbs creep up the hill, and the trams are running,
Children find ghostly playmates in the ruins;
The sun glares on the emptiness, and vanished walls
Burn with a bitter death and unfulfilled perfection.

Stamp out the memory of old wars and lost causes:
Build a grave citadel of peace, or a tower of death:
The castle stands, inhuman, incorruptible,
Like a film before the eyes, or a mad vision.

Tags: michael roberts, the castle
Current Mood: pensive